Trash rag roundup

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Last week was a corker of a week for the women’s mag posse. Obviously one would rather not prop them up financially with one’s hard-earned dollah, but the Archway Londis* was just too well-stocked for its own good, and I found myself half-gleefully half-grimly stockpiling the fuckers faster than you can say Samantha Brick. Ironically, in order to rip them to shreds I have to first cast a saccadic eye over the most offensive ones by buying and reading them: £5 that would have been better spent on cheesestrings (recent re-discovery of) or delicious slices of Parma ham. Never fear: there is light at the end of this long, wobbly Londis tunnel – this quest forcooked meats which culminated in Best and its compatriots – because we can all have a jolly good chortle. So, what’s been a-trendin’ this week? CELEBS + REAL LIFE + FASHION + TV + GLAMOUR + GOSSIP are what’s promised everyday, but when it comes to magazines, my own personal favourites are the ones that deliver STRAIGHT TALK. There was an awful lot of STRAIGHT TALK this week, most of it centred around a blitzkrieg of bizarre nutritional advice involving egg whites; ‘classic separates’; weddings/the lack thereof; ‘pins’ and whose are looking too thin; pregnant Kate/Kim; a horoscope that seemed to sack off Sagittarius and put ‘September’ in the place and finally, yet inexplicably, Simon Cowell.

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